dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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