three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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