he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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