just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
