He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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