Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
