I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
