i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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