I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
