I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
