Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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