proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
