At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
