My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
