I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
