I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
