no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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