and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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