if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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