Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
