I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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