You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
