belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
