Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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