we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
how drunk are you?
Several
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
