laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize