yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
