I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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