I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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