Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
