did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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