apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
