Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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