I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
