I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
