My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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