i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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