Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
