I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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