i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
