I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
