i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
