Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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