i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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