Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
