I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
