Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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