I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
