How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
