I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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