Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
