I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
