oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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