She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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