I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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