Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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