I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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