You're my little dorito
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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