Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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