I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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