My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
love makes seman taste better
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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