and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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