Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
