Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
