my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Shame - the story of my life.
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