Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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